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Archive for January 2018

Anger, Resentment, Betrayal – Oh My!

Feeling betrayed lately? Among my clients, I notice similar patterns showing up around the same time. Lately, it has been the pattern of betrayal.

Someone has an affair with their friend’s spouse. Someone’s ex-spouse tries to steal from them. A co-worker gossips and spreads untruth.

Another theme I observe is that the level of emotional pain my clients feel goes beyond the current situation. It seems that the betrayal is a symptom of recurring emotional pain and not only the cause of this emotional pain.  How can we heal the root of betrayal so the pattern does not recur?

In my work, we look at the energetic vibration woven into the tapestry of a story. Within the tapestry, the feeling of betrayal carries a judgment of right and wrong. Someone is a victim and someone is a perpetrator. Someone expressed themself in a hurtful way and someone received hurtful feelings.  In the vibration, there is a giver and a receiver – two ends of the vibratory pattern. I can’t feel betrayed unless I am willing to receive that feeling.

How can you receive more love when you feel betrayal, anger or resentment?

In my meditation yesterday, I asked, “What is the question?” I heard, “How do I love more deeply?” Good question. “OK, how do I love more deeply?” I heard, “Allow. Allow. Allow. Allow. Allow.”  Great.

So, to love more deeply, I need to open my heart more fully. Tricky thing for us empaths who already feel more than our share of the world’s pain and need some boundaries.

Do you open your heart wide and risk feeling the pain of betrayal when someone steps over your boundaries?  Or, do you love more deeply which means, loving yourself more deeply and being willing to take care of your boundaries – and be willing to say, “That hurt my feelings.” Then, loving another person enough to let go of your need to be right and meet them in the field beyond right-doing and wrong-doing, as the Sufi poet Rumi says.

Ouch. Some days, I’m better at that than other days. Sometimes it takes me awhile to get to the place in my heart where I experience compassion for everyone in the story. One day, when I had experienced what, from my perspective, felt like a friend’s betrayal, I suddenly got a spiritual tap on the shoulder telling me to listen. When I turned inward to listen deeply to my heart’s wisdom, I understood a much bigger storyline than the immediate betrayal. My friend had her reasons which, from her perspective, made her happiness more important than my unhappiness. If I had walked her path, I might have come to the same conclusion.

But I’m walking my path. And right now my feelings are hurt by your embracing your happiness at my expense.  Ah. Therein lies, the judgment, the wrong-doing. When I add the tagline, at my expense, I imply that you knew I would feel hurt and chose to make yourself happy anyway. But, doesn’t everyone have that choice? Isn’t that acknowledging another person’s boundary? What happens when people’s boundaries bump against each other? Complicated questions to ponder. The more immediate question to answer is:

So what do you do with your feelings when you feel betrayed?

  • Acknowledge your feelings of anger, sadness and resentment. Then, give yourself some love. Open your heart from the inside to receive love from your Higher Self. It is only your smaller ego self on the outside that feels betrayed. You always have access to the deep inner reservoir of Infinite Love within. Connect to a place behind your physical heart in front of your spine that opens into your Soul and through Soul to God the Infinite where there is only love.
  • Allow love to stream through from your wise Higher Self like a balm to sooth the emotional pain. Surround yourself in this healing balm of Infinite Love that is yours to claim.
  • From this connection to your Higher Wisdom, ask deep questions and ask for guidance in navigating this rocky terrain.

What is behind the other person’s story?

What do I need to learn from this situation?

What did I do well?

What could I have done differently?

What action do I need to take next?

How can I come to peace about this story?

Ultimately, you want to feel peaceful inside, right? You can hang on to anger and sadness for a longer time until you are done processing those feelings if you choose.

When you are ready to heal those emotional wounds and ready to take a step forward (you don’t have to do it all at once) you will experience the relief of forgiveness as a weight being lifted from your heart.

  • Open your heart to feel compassion for yourself to have experienced this hurt.
  • Perhaps you can remember a time when you said or did something hurtful to another and how you would have liked to experience their forgiveness. At least you can forgive yourself. Open your heart to forgive yourself for your past misdeeds. You can say to yourself, “I’m sorry for whatever I did that contributed to my hurt feelings.”

If you believe you did nothing that contributed to the betrayal, look into your ancestral lineage and other lifetimes. Sometimes the roots of an emotional wound run very deep.

After filling yourself up with love from the inside, if you are ready, open your heart to a bit more compassion for another person who chose to act hurtfully out of their own hurt and broken heart.

When you can heal the emotional pain you are carrying, (how long did you want to carry around that bag of rocks anyway?), you open a doorway for others to release their emotional pain as well. When you shift up, you create a happier environment where you and others can thrive.

When you choose to respond with compassion and kindness, you rewrite the story.

Break the cycle.

Weave a new tapestry where your needs get met.

What are your thoughts about betrayal?  It is a many-faceted topic.  Add your comments below.

If you would like assistance getting through a betrayal and healing an emotional wound, I can help.  Message me and let’s set up a time to chat.

Up-level Your Relationships

Join Master Healer Leah Skurdal in transforming your old stuck emotional patterns, unhealed wounds ….And those pesky, past experiences …. To open your heart and build the healthy loving relationships you are meant to have in this lifetime.

Experience Leah Skurdal’s powerful visualization technique that connects you with your inner healer and allows Divine Love to release outdated thoughts and emotions that no longer serve your highest good.

Learn why transforming emotional wounds frees you to experience more loving, joyful relationships and live a more purposeful life.

When you align body, emotions, mind and spirit you show up differently in the world …. and for the world.

Take the next step in living your life on purpose ….. join Spiritual Pilates: Aligning Body, Emotions, Mind and Spirit, for a transformational ten-week, online program beginning January 17.

Contact Leah for details. Leah.skurdal@gmail.com

New Year – New and Improved Relationships

A major stressor I see with my clients is managing the significant relationships in their lives – with spouse/partner, kids, parents, siblings, supervisors, co-workers, or customers.

The teenage kid slams the door as a gesture of power. The spouse/partner criticizes the dinner, car parking job, or the way the holiday lights were hung. The co-worker makes snarky comments. Siblings do not share in caregiving needs for the aging parent. No one in the house helps clean the dishes. And my client’s neck and shoulder muscles tighten trying to manage all the details of life.

Sound like anyone you know? Lol

I can help! Managing your significant relationships starts with managing yourself. When you set aside time for just you to regroup, you have more energy to handle the stuff of life. When you set aside time to listen to your own wisdom over the roar of daily living, you can hear what you need to do to get your own needs met.

What does the flight attendant say in case of a plane malfunction? “Put your own oxygen mask on first!” You’re no good to anyone else if you can’t breathe. When your resources are depleted and you are running on empty, you have less to give others. When you have replenished your reservoir, you have more energy to set boundaries for yourself. You have more energy to share your love with the significant people in your life. Because you do really love them and want the best for them as well as for yourself. You just don’t want to feel depleted all the time, right?

Learning the skills to listen to your own wisdom so you can know what your boundaries are takes practice. Developing a skill-set of ways to respond when someone pushes your buttons requires perseverance. But, you do have the mindset and the perseverance to learn and practice new skills long enough to get them in your muscle memory so they become second nature.

My 10-week online program, Spiritual Pilates, will give you the skills you need to respond from a higher part of your being when you are under stress. Spiritual Pilates will also provide the opportunity to practice the skills in daily living so you can integrate them into spiritual muscle memory.  By participating in the Spiritual Pilates program, you get to reset your default from stress  to inner calm and joy.

Plus, here’s the special deal for your significant relationship:

For the program beginning January 17, 2017 you can include another person for the same cost.

So you and your spouse/partner, kid, sibling or friend can

  • get on the same page
  • share skills
  • remind each other of the skills to use when you forget
  • have an accountability partner
  • heal emotional wounds
  • raise the quality of your relationship.

Disclaimer: This is not therapy or counseling.

However, Spiritual Pilates can be a great resource and toolkit to up-level your significant relationships – starting with your relationship with yourself.

Call or text me for the details. 651-472-3995.

What are your significant relationship challenges? Communication? Sharing chores? Feeling appreciated? Add your comments below.

Happy Fresh Start to the New Year!

Leah

Communicating With Love

Raising teenagers today is not a job for wimps. Your own unresolved teenage angst gets triggered by their stuff. You can easily end up miscommunicating if you’re not mindfully present with your teen.

My client’s intention, when checking in with her teenager, was to listen. However, what came out of her mouth sounded like criticism. She chose to take a time out after the resultant angry outburst before adding fuel to the fire but felt guilty about miscommunicating again.

Happily, I had already coached her on choosing her response wisely. She took a few minutes to center herself with some meditative breathing and BodySoul movement which helped her align body, emotions, mind and Spirit. She listened to her heart about what had made her push the criticism button. An awareness surfaced of an unresolved feeling about her own mother. As she opened her heart to heal the wound, the next insight gave her peace, comfort and understanding about her misinterpretation of the situation with her mother.

Resolving her feelings gave her confidence to re-approach her teenager with a loving and open heart. She remained emotionally present for her daughter which allowed each to communicate some hard-to-hear messages. They both listened respectfully to the other’s point of view. This exchange kept the door open for further communication.

My client was grateful for my coaching, and grateful that she had centered herself and stayed present while communicating with her teenager. When you align body, emotions, mind and Spirit, you show up differently in the world – and for the world.

If you are struggling to communicate with your teenager or if you have challenges finding your calm center when you get off track, I can help.  Text me to set up a time for a free chat. 651-472-3995  I would love to hear how your journey is going and how I can be of service.