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Anger, Resentment, Betrayal – Oh My!

Feeling betrayed lately? Among my clients, I notice similar patterns showing up around the same time. Lately, it has been the pattern of betrayal.

Someone has an affair with their friend’s spouse. Someone’s ex-spouse tries to steal from them. A co-worker gossips and spreads untruth.

Another theme I observe is that the level of emotional pain my clients feel goes beyond the current situation. It seems that the betrayal is a symptom of recurring emotional pain and not only the cause of this emotional pain.  How can we heal the root of betrayal so the pattern does not recur?

In my work, we look at the energetic vibration woven into the tapestry of a story. Within the tapestry, the feeling of betrayal carries a judgment of right and wrong. Someone is a victim and someone is a perpetrator. Someone expressed themself in a hurtful way and someone received hurtful feelings.  In the vibration, there is a giver and a receiver – two ends of the vibratory pattern. I can’t feel betrayed unless I am willing to receive that feeling.

How can you receive more love when you feel betrayal, anger or resentment?

In my meditation yesterday, I asked, “What is the question?” I heard, “How do I love more deeply?” Good question. “OK, how do I love more deeply?” I heard, “Allow. Allow. Allow. Allow. Allow.”  Great.

So, to love more deeply, I need to open my heart more fully. Tricky thing for us empaths who already feel more than our share of the world’s pain and need some boundaries.

Do you open your heart wide and risk feeling the pain of betrayal when someone steps over your boundaries?  Or, do you love more deeply which means, loving yourself more deeply and being willing to take care of your boundaries – and be willing to say, “That hurt my feelings.” Then, loving another person enough to let go of your need to be right and meet them in the field beyond right-doing and wrong-doing, as the Sufi poet Rumi says.

Ouch. Some days, I’m better at that than other days. Sometimes it takes me awhile to get to the place in my heart where I experience compassion for everyone in the story. One day, when I had experienced what, from my perspective, felt like a friend’s betrayal, I suddenly got a spiritual tap on the shoulder telling me to listen. When I turned inward to listen deeply to my heart’s wisdom, I understood a much bigger storyline than the immediate betrayal. My friend had her reasons which, from her perspective, made her happiness more important than my unhappiness. If I had walked her path, I might have come to the same conclusion.

But I’m walking my path. And right now my feelings are hurt by your embracing your happiness at my expense.  Ah. Therein lies, the judgment, the wrong-doing. When I add the tagline, at my expense, I imply that you knew I would feel hurt and chose to make yourself happy anyway. But, doesn’t everyone have that choice? Isn’t that acknowledging another person’s boundary? What happens when people’s boundaries bump against each other? Complicated questions to ponder. The more immediate question to answer is:

So what do you do with your feelings when you feel betrayed?

  • Acknowledge your feelings of anger, sadness and resentment. Then, give yourself some love. Open your heart from the inside to receive love from your Higher Self. It is only your smaller ego self on the outside that feels betrayed. You always have access to the deep inner reservoir of Infinite Love within. Connect to a place behind your physical heart in front of your spine that opens into your Soul and through Soul to God the Infinite where there is only love.
  • Allow love to stream through from your wise Higher Self like a balm to sooth the emotional pain. Surround yourself in this healing balm of Infinite Love that is yours to claim.
  • From this connection to your Higher Wisdom, ask deep questions and ask for guidance in navigating this rocky terrain.

What is behind the other person’s story?

What do I need to learn from this situation?

What did I do well?

What could I have done differently?

What action do I need to take next?

How can I come to peace about this story?

Ultimately, you want to feel peaceful inside, right? You can hang on to anger and sadness for a longer time until you are done processing those feelings if you choose.

When you are ready to heal those emotional wounds and ready to take a step forward (you don’t have to do it all at once) you will experience the relief of forgiveness as a weight being lifted from your heart.

  • Open your heart to feel compassion for yourself to have experienced this hurt.
  • Perhaps you can remember a time when you said or did something hurtful to another and how you would have liked to experience their forgiveness. At least you can forgive yourself. Open your heart to forgive yourself for your past misdeeds. You can say to yourself, “I’m sorry for whatever I did that contributed to my hurt feelings.”

If you believe you did nothing that contributed to the betrayal, look into your ancestral lineage and other lifetimes. Sometimes the roots of an emotional wound run very deep.

After filling yourself up with love from the inside, if you are ready, open your heart to a bit more compassion for another person who chose to act hurtfully out of their own hurt and broken heart.

When you can heal the emotional pain you are carrying, (how long did you want to carry around that bag of rocks anyway?), you open a doorway for others to release their emotional pain as well. When you shift up, you create a happier environment where you and others can thrive.

When you choose to respond with compassion and kindness, you rewrite the story.

Break the cycle.

Weave a new tapestry where your needs get met.

What are your thoughts about betrayal?  It is a many-faceted topic.  Add your comments below.

If you would like assistance getting through a betrayal and healing an emotional wound, I can help.  Message me and let’s set up a time to chat.

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Leah Skurdal is a spiritual teacher, healer, speaker and author. She works with aware people to strengthen their intuitive abilities, connect with Soul, and live more joy-filled lives. As a speaker, Leah offers an insightful, quirky look at living as a spiritual being having a physical experience.

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